Bringing In A Non-Executive Director: The Madman’s Guide To Business Sabotage.

Bringing in a non-executive director

There’s an enigmatic piece, often whispered about in hallowed boardrooms – the non-executive director (NED). You might have heard these creatures bring invaluable insight, experience, and oversight to a company. But let’s be absolutely clear: hiring a NED is about as sensible as using a chocolate teapot. Here’s my guide on why roping in a non-executive director is akin to hiring a court jester for a board meeting.

Firstly, who in their right mind needs external wisdom and perspective?

Your company has been navigating the choppy waters of business with the grace of a three-legged cat. Why introduce someone who might steer the ship away from that delightful iceberg up ahead? NEDs are known for their ‘independent judgement’, but honestly, who needs judgement when blind optimism has been doing just fine?

Then, there’s the whole ‘networking’ spiel.

NEDs supposedly have extensive networks that can open doors and create opportunities. But let’s face it, why would you want to expand your business horizons when playing solitaire in your current market is so much fun? New opportunities sound like a lot of work, and who needs more of that?

Also, consider the sheer audacity of these NEDs, with their experience and knowledge from various sectors and roles.

They come in, all high and mighty, thinking they can help guide strategy and growth. But, as any self-respecting business knows, stagnation is the new growth. Why strive for more when you can bask in the glory of mediocrity?

And don’t get me started on the ‘corporate governance’ expertise they bring.

Since when did running a tight, compliant ship become more appealing than the thrilling chaos of corporate anarchy? Sure, they’ll help ensure that your company adheres to legal and ethical standards, but where’s the fun in that? A little scandal now and then keeps things spicy, after all.

Lastly, let’s not forget the cost.

Why allocate precious funds to hire a seasoned NED when you could invest in more essential things, like a solid gold company logo for the lobby or an office pet llama? Priorities, people!

If you’re considering bringing a non-executive director on board, ask yourself: do you really want to burden your company with strategic direction, valuable connections, diverse perspectives, and enhanced governance? Sounds like a lot of unnecessary hassle.

After all, who needs a guiding star when you can navigate by the seat of your pants under the comforting glow of corporate chaos?


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